The Family: A Necessity of Civilization (Part 2)

In continuing my series, The Family: A Necessity of Civilization, Rev. Robins focuses on marriage and who makes a good spouse.

He lists several traits to look for in a future husband and wife "...to make it even tolerable to spend twenty, or thirty, or forty years together." They are the following:

1. Good Health
2. Truthfulness
3. Temperance
4. Industry
5. Courage
6. Fortitude (..."that is the power to bear pain and trouble without whining.")
7. Unselfishness
8. Good sense (..."to save you from the misery of having to live with a fool".) (pg. 33)

I particularly like his explanations for fortitude and good sense. Fortitude is something we all could use more of, particularly women.

He mentions that the following people should not marry:
1. Those who are match made;
2. Those who seek financial gain through marriage;
3. Those trying to raise their social position;
4. Men without self-control and women without virtuous minds;
5. Those with too active of a social life;
6. Those with poor Health;
7. "All sorts of fools".
(pg. 22-31)

Who then should marry? Rev. Robin says, "Congenial people, and only congenial ones, ought to marry. This does not imply a likeness of nature or disposition, but rather the opposite. Congeniality in Matrimonial affairs does not mean sameness, by any means. A man and woman are really and truly congenial when each finds in the other qualities lacking and supplied by a union." (pg. 34)

"A man of sanguine temperament, with a quick and vigorous mind, unites in marriage with a woman of a gloomy, despondent disposition, and a sluggish plodding mind. What are the results? The energy of the husband stimulates the sluggish mind of the wife, and his hope renders her gloom bearable. Her despondency restrains his hopefulness, making him careful, and her slowness suppresses his quick, active mind, giving a surer and strong grasp on truth. Each is a help mate to the other, and both are made stronger thereby. As an end, therefore, we have society and the church benefited by the wealth and strength of character so produced, that without such union and exchange of qualities would have been impossible." ( pg. 36)

"Now when congenial people marry in the sense of being opposites, marry and become religious, what are the consequences? Where the man is strong morally, the wife is weakest, and where she is strong, he is weakest. Each is a support to the other in the conflicts of life. Each lends the other strength, until both become strong alike. They assimilate each other, until in old age the antitheses disappear and synthetic completeness takes their place. The supports or crutches are thrown away, and both stand alike." (pg. 36)

By only congenial people marrying, Rev. Robins says that this gives "to the world and to the race, men and women of greater worth than could otherwise be obtained. It also accomplishes "a richer inheritance for children." "The true heir contains within himself the possibility of the combined powers of both parents. "Such a marriage contributes most to the advancement of the human race and the progress of a right civilization." (pg. 37)

"This, which may be called a law of marriage, properly respected and strictly adhered to, would guarantee more prosperity to the world than all the statutes ever enacted to protect the marriage relation. It would exclude all unnatural and uncongenial marriages. All other motives would be subordinate, and men would marry not to increase their fortunes, or to keep their social standing, but to contribute most to men, to the well being of society, to the strength of posterity, and to the beauty and glory of the Christian life." (pg. 37)

Aw, if only we could really enact a "law of marriage". I think what he has layed out is some of best advice for a successful marriage.

"No woman is fit for a wife whose mind has been poisoned by the sentimental and objectionable novel, and whose spirit has been blackened by the contact of licentious characters found in the promiscuous ballroom. Many a man will take any advantage possible with any one and anywhere, in order to accomplish the only end he can see in human life." (pg. 30)

The sentimental novel he speaks of is probably the romance novel. He recognizes these novels can corrupt a woman's virtuous mind and most likely make her crave a fantasy that can never be. If I were to rewrite this sentence today it would go like this: "No woman is fit for marriage whose mind has been poisoned by Cosmo Magazine and Sex in the City, and whose spirit has been darkened by characters (most likely, PUAs as described by MarkyMark) found in the club or bar." Today woman's minds are corrupted by Cosmo magazines, TV shows, and movies where they depict anything but reality.

"Love is a rational, intense friendship, and not a blind, selfish, sentimental passion." (pg. 31)
That is the best basis for marriage that I have ever seen.

The Family: A Necessity of Civilization (Part 1)

The Family: A Necessity of Civilization (Part 1)

In reading "The Family: A Necessity of Civilization", by Rev. John B. Robins and written in 1896, I have come across some interesting and helpful quotes for understanding the modern family and our deteriorating culture. I find it fascinating that something written so long ago still has much wisdom for today. This is the first part of a multi-part series.

Rev. Robins starts out with this bold and powerful statement:

"There are no powers of law, nor arms, nor churches that can sustain a nation, when its homes are contaminated and its children corrupted. Revolution is the only remedy left." (pg. 13)

Unfortunately, he doesn't mention anything else about the specifics of a revolution. Perhaps more will be shed as I read deeper. I do feel it may have to come to a revolution in order to save the family and hence the churches. Afterall, what more are churches than a family on a large scale. It makes sense that the churches alone cannot sustain a nation when the churches themselves make up so many contaminiated and corrupted homes.

"The truth is, that churches and communities of Christians are nothing but the home life "writ large". What-ever is condemned in the home is condemned in the church, and whatever is permitted in the home is allowed in the church." (pg. 18)

This is a new way of thinking for me. I guess I always assumed that it was a lack of sound doctrine, lack of church attendance and overall lack of a Christian worldview that contributed to a corrupted home. What he says makes sense and this is why we are seeing these emergent churches with their oh-so casual atmosphere and attitudes. People in the home these days wear flip-flops and listen to rock music. So, therefore pastors are wearing flip-flops and rock music is being played instead of hymns. The state of churches just mimics the state of the family.

"Until there is a reformation in the homes, there will be none in the churches. It is a rare thing for the children of professing Christians to be converted to anything higher than their environment. So long as there are faults, errors, sins in the home, so long will these things be found in the church." (pg. 18)

How do we go about reformation in the homes? How do we turn people on to such "old-fashioned" ideals as character and virtue?

The faults, errors, and sins, we see in the emergent church are really the same we see in the modern family.

"Loose divorce laws have been the curse of home-life in every age of the world where they existed. While such a divorce seems defensible, it yet remains true that there has been some misjudgment, some want of proper discretion at some point in the selection of a husband or wife." (pg. 21)

"Loose divorce laws, uneducated, ignorant, and selfish parents, and immoral notions producing immoral practices in the marriage relation, these constitute the virus of the disease which eats away the family, consumes a people's energy, and makes a nation mourn." (pg. 16)

It is interesting that even back in 1896 loose divorce laws were talked about. Rev. Robins would be shocked to learn just how loose they are today. He mentions that there are of course situations of abuse where divorce is warranted but then he also mentions that those who select an abusive spouse were not exactly exercising good judgement to begin with. He has a point here. I can think of quite a few women who marry men who they knew or their families knew were abusive and yet proceeded to marry anyway. Perhaps divorce wouldn't be such a problem if people used discretion and common sense. I would also add that seeking God to direct you to the right person is also a huge part.

"A young woman who marries to be petted, served, to move in high society, dwell in a magnificent home, and do nothing but spend her husband's money has about as much business with a husband as a fool has for a philosophy." (pg. 24)

How true! Sounds like something straight out of today. These types of women have no business marrying and do not deserve husbands. However, it seems that this describes a good portion of modern women.

"No man is worthy of a wife until he has learned self control, and no woman is worthy of a husband until she possesses a virtuous mind. Self control and a virtuous mind are lessons to be learned in early life and no man nor woman, who has not mastered himself or herself, and who has not learned to think pure thoughts, is fit to build up a home, a family, or help a Christian civilization. Such people have no business in married life". (pg. 27)

How very simple and straightforward. Although, when was the last time you heard someone say that they hope their daughter develops a virtuous mind. Daughters of today are to have smart and independent minds, but not virtuous. No wonder so many women are unprepared and ill-equipped for marriage. The family of today is not interested in virtuous minds or self-control and therefore, as it goes, why would the churches have any interest in the same.

"People who have any love for their children, and children who have any respect for their parents, will never allow any association, social or otherwise, where character is endangered and where home life may be destroyed." (pg. 30)

Sorry to say, but I feel this can sometimes mean keeping your children out of certain churches. Just because it says "church" does not mean it is place of virtue and good character. The church needs to be made up of families of character in order to be a church of character. I would also say that this is reason alone to keep children out of public schools. Character is endangered everyday at schools where children from sound godly homes are forced to interact with children from ungodly homes. Discretion and careful discernment is needed in where we send our children.

In summary, we can't get our churches back until we get our families back. Going to church as a weakened family is counterproductive. I dare say it is better to first make your family strong through careful bible reading, male leadership, and prayer, before it enters into the church family. It is sort of a chicken or the egg problem. Are families made strong by the church or are churches made strong by the families? I now believe the latter.

UC Tuition Hike

Good for them. It is nice to see that some students won't stand to be jerked around. UC students protested a 32% tuition hike today. Although it did nothing but create a scene, at least some students finally reached their breaking point and perhaps will begin to see the reality of higher education.

I found the following quotes interesting:

"Among them was Tommy Le, a fourth-year student at UC Santa Cruz, who left his campus at 3 a.m. today in a convoy of two buses headed south. Le, 21, an American studies major from El Monte, said he was worried about how he being able to afford the higher charges, starting with an additional $585 for the rest of the school year."

If you think things are bad now, Mr. Le, just wait till you get out into the job market and see what that American Studies degree does for you.

“I can’t afford it,” said Guerrero, who wore a red bandanna across her face. “They (the regents) don’t care. They’re laughing at us.”

Of course they are laughing at you because the majority of students will just sit by and take the hit. The protesting may be cute but in the end the board knows the students and their parents are too addicted to the higher education dream to just quit now-especially when so close to completing a degree. The board knows they can get away with anything.

I found in other articles (here and here) the following quotes:

Ayanna Moody, a second-year prelaw student, said she feared she might have to attend a community college next year.

Heaven forbid you have to attend a community college. Its like saying you might have to shop at Walmart because the mall keeps raising prices. You will still get what you need at Walmart just the same as you would the mall. The problem is they aren't getting what they want--a designer education or designer clothes. Your education will not be cheapened just because you are going to community college. I once had a community college professor who was a Harvard graduate and said that with him we were getting "a Harvard education at a Kmart price". True indeed.

"We are bailing out the banks, we are bailing out Wall Street. Where is the bailout for public education?" asked UCLA graduate student Sonja Diaz.

This is the scariest quote because it proves the mentality of the generation. Growing up in a world where all they have known is bailouts from both society and their parents they think it is to be expected. Allthewhile not caring or knowing where this money comes from as long as it is not from them.

University of California, Irvine, economics student Sarah Bana told the board,

"You are jeopardizing California's future."

California was jeopardized long, long ago. Accept your losses, go to community college (if any), and move to another state.

Book Lover Paradise

Imagine over 300,000 books and all under $4. This is what we found at our annual county library booksale. A dream come true. I have never seen so many books in one place. It filled up a whole grocery store without room to spare. Even better, we are going back this weekend when you can get a whole box of books for $5.

Here are some of my finds:



I have started to read "The Family: A Necessity to Civilization", written in 1896. Already I found quite a few gems that I feel are useful for today.