Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Remove the Needs

 Lesson 23

A while back I shared with you, "Feminism Making a Tomcat of Father". Apparently, that article was a summary of the original, which, I found here

The original is chock full of other good morsels, to wit:
"When the cave-woman sat nursing her infant in the cave, the cave-man went forth to strangle wild beasts with his hands at a risk of his life to provide food for them all, and the stirrings of gratitude in her savage breast, prompting her to make the cave warm and comfortable against his return, to cook the food according to his liking, mark the beginning of the home. What distinguishes this human family from the mating pairs among the animals is their respective helplessness and need of one another. Without the man the woman will starve; without her he will have no home; without them both the child will perish; without the child and its prolonged period of helpless dependence upon them the bond which unites them will weaken."
Even though men no longer go out for wild beasts, the modern workplace is just as wild and very often has a live or die atmosphere; literally regarding the military and other dangerous fields and figuratively with the competitiveness of business.  The dynamics are still the same for men,  but women do not return the comforts of home as a favor. They are too busy slaying their own wild beasts. Sure she still may pick up dinner at a restaurant and thus its looks like she is creating a home with "food according to his liking", but I suspect deep down for the husband it just isn't the same. She did not labor and put love into the meal as he did for his paycheck.
"The associations among animals are casual, lasting as long as they need each other and no longer. Even the maternal instinct is based entirely upon need. The female fish deposits her eggs, and then swims away thinking and caring no more about them. The mother bird cares for her young only as long as they need her, when she promptly pushes them out of the nest and knows them no more. It is this prolonged infancy of the human offspring which has been most potent in producing the organization of the family, and next to the dependence of the infant upon the parents, the dependence of woman upon man has been the chief agency in his development. Moreover, on her part, gratitude, that most human of qualities, has worked in her the utmost womanly ingenuity of effort to please, reward and repay him."
If God had meant us to live like animals, like we are today, then we would not have the maternal and paternal instinct that we do, nor this desire to create a family. Relationships today are much like the animals where they are, "casual, lasting as long as they need each other and no longer."  Feminism is about making us more like animals and less like humans. They prefer to be more like apes, than God's children.

Gratitude. This is not something the modern woman thinks she owes anyone, especially a husband. They think, "why should I be grateful towards a sex that kept me and my sisterhood in bondage for so many years."  Even if she personally never felt oppressed, she still protests for her sisters.
"It is the plant which we tend and water that interests us; it is the canary bird we feed ourselves; it is the baby we nurse and fondle and care for; it is the husband whom we watch over, appreciate, sympathize with, are grateful to, enliven, comfort and cheer; it is the wife whom we toil for, protect, guide, defend, serve and cherish--these are the persons whom we love. Aristotle advised that if we would love a person we should see to do him some favor. Immediately we become interested in him. Love feeds upon the need which others have of us. For the independent and self-sufficient who have no use for us, our affections are not drawn out."
It is clear that modern wives have no need for husbands, since they now have their own money and independence; therefore, love does not feed. Husbands have also learned or been explicitly told that they too have no need for their modern wives. Modern technology has basically made a wife obsolete. Men can still efficiently cook meals and a keep a home without it interfering with his work day.  If it still took a whole day to do laundry or we were cooking over open hearths, wives would still be needed as men can't do all that, plus make a living. Again, love does not feed.  I think women still need men, more than men will ever need women.
"The family is not, as we are prone to think it, apart of the order of nature. It is purely a human invention brought forth by the pressure of need and the efforts of men and women to satisfy those needs by mutual services. Nor is it at all unthinkable that the institution of the family might one day be abandoned, for all that would be necessary in order to abolish the family would be to remove the needs which have called it into being. For example, if self-acting radium incubators should one day be invented in which infants could be deposited at birth there to pass their first few years prior to their entrance in State schools to finish their upbringing, then the maternal yearning as we know it would undoubtedly disappear. And if further, with the spread of education for women and the enlargement of their industrial opportunities, complete economic independence, freedom from obligation to husband or father, should be within easy reach of all-- then the wifely instinct would also decline. If, furthermore, in the elaborations of an increasingly urban life and the development of hotels, clubs, modern conveniences, and the life, men feel less and less the need for domesticity then the third cohesive force uniting the family is eliminated."
Very simple, isn't it? Just remove the needs and the family is done. Feminists and other progressives are already on top of that.  The key here is the word, "needs". When shopping, we are told to recognize before buying something if it is a 'need' or a 'want'. This is a way to stay clear of impulse buying. Feminists generally say its Okay to still want to be a mom or want to get married, but its NOT OKAY to say you 'need' to be a mom or 'need' to be married. It is also frowned upon to openly say, "my husband needs me", or "I need my husband". There is a dependency in those statements that sickens the feminist. Needs are pesky and they must be removed.  If a woman merely wants to be a mom, there is still some wiggle room. Feminists can get in there and change her mind. Wants are Okay because they can be controlled and manipulated (advertising does this quite well). However, needs are more primal and survival based. They too can be controlled (neglected), but only by covering them up with wants.  Tell a woman she wants a career instead of a husband and that need, that longing she has had since childhood will be numbed. The wants anesthetize the needs. At some point (usually around 40) the numbness wears off and women remember their basic needs of home and family.
"It is apparent that the unity of the family arises out of its common needs and mutual services. But when woman has no need for man as breadwinner and he has no need for her as home-maker, and the child has no further need for either of them as nurse, teacher, guide, friend, but finds most of its needs supposed elsewhere by paid experts generally outside of the home--then, with the disappearance of reciprocal needs and services, the cohesive force of the family dissolves, and when the last bond, affection, weakens from disuse the family easily disintegrates."
Buzz word alert: "experts!" Public school teachers are these paid experts. Even for the most sensitive issues, schools teach children to rely upon the school for their needs, i.e., birth control. They learn in school not to NEED their parents.
"The commercialization of woman lent itself readily from the beginning to this process of idealization and within a few years there sprang up innumerable social quacks ready to demonstrate that the decay of the family was merely the breaking of the shell which held woman imprisoned and its consummation the setting of her "free." In ever-increasing volume to this day they swell the chorus of thanksgiving. Women and girls by the millions have been sent out from the home to enter into an unnatural struggle for bread against the men who should be their natural protectors, robbed little by little of their reason for existence, are being taught to regard their condition as one of "liberation," "freedom," "progress."
Yes, it is an "unnatural struggle for bread against the men who should be their natural protectors."  Very backwards. At times, I'm glad that I am in a women dominated field and generally compete with only other women. Guilt would be just that much more if I had to compete with men for the bread (i.e. pilot).  Right now, at least I know I am not taking a job away from a man and pushing into his sphere.
"Viewing feminism as the ally and glorifier of commercialism, the nature of the antagonism between feminism and the family becomes apparent. The keynote of the family is dependence: its very existence depends upon the mutual dependence of its members: the greater their degree of dependence the closer is its integrity. The keynote of feminism on the contrary, is independence. The ideal family has no place in it for feminism, and feminism finds the family continually an obstacle in its way. The unity of the family takes three forms--economic unity, political unity, and sex unity. Where the father is the sole breadwinner it has economic unity; where he represents the family at the polls it has political unity, and it has sex unity when he is its responsible parental head. The attack upon the family is made upon all three of its sides. Commercialism, converting each of its members in a self-supporting unit, would destroy its economic unity; woman suffrage, denying that the family's political interest are one, and demanding that each member of the family's political interests are one, and demanding that each member of the family shall vote separately and individually, attacks its political unity. Finally, extreme or advanced feminism attacks the family's sex unity: demanding for woman "freedom from sex domination" and the right to choose the father (or it may be the fathers) of her children."
The rise of consumer goods and machinery most certainly made each of us "a self-supporting unit". Political unity was wiped out in 1920. Sex unity is gasping for its last breath as the hook-up culture is rampant and women willingly choose to be single moms. Based upon these three cornerstones, I'd say the future of the family is bleak.
"The integrating factor of the family is the husband-father. Feminism is a process of putting father out of business; of deposing him from his position of distinction and responsibility in some woman's little world as the family's breadwinner, political representative and only authorized male parent. Feminism undertakes to render him superfluous and unnecessary. It is showing woman how she can quite well get along without him and still have everything that she wants--independence, prosperity, the vote, self-support, self-direction, even independent motherhood if she desires it and can afford it."
She may have everything she wants, but not everything she needs.  She wants independence, the vote, her own income, etc., but she wants all these things like she wants a designer purse. Underneath it all, it is just for show and what she really needs are the basics; like food, shelter, and a husband.  She may have fancy clothes and independence, but it is the needs that nourish.  She can deny the needs and focus on wants, but a life purely filled of wants is typically shallow and empty. Feminists have been the advertisers that make us buy into wants instead of our needs. If we know what our needs are then we can walk down the aisle of feminism and not be allured by the glossy packaging of independence and income.  I'm not here for the "Starbuck Frappuccino", but for a gallon of milk.
"Relieved of all responsibility and distinction, homeless, childless, wifeless, objectless, with nothing to do but stake out his own grub and lay in a supply of cigars and pocket money, man will wander through life like a lost soul his final position as time goes on, becoming that of the drone in the beehive. The work of the hive will have gradually passed into the hands of industrious, self-supporting, spinster workers. In one large profession-that of teachers in our public schools--this condition is rapidly approaching: while in Idaho we are told, it has already arrived."

"The continued existence of our race depends upon keeping the desire for maternity alive in women. But the final outcome of feminism is inevitably the deadening of this desire by reason of its antagonism to the family--the sole means of keeping it alive. Woman to-day, for the first time in history, holds in her hands the key to the situation. At her pleasure she may lock or unlock the gates of the future. Therefore nothing is more urgent than that she shall be released from the tightening, hardening effects of feminism and kept in the fruitful atmosphere of the family."
By women of today, she means the women of 1914! They had the the key, the chance to stop it all, but instead they were lured by wants and forgot about their needs and the needs of their families. Now most women live hollow lives filled with closets full of shoes and purses, while homes are empty of husbands and children. She has no one to "appreciate, sympathize with, are grateful to, enliven, comfort, and cheer." For those of today, stay clear of the "tightening, hardening effects of feminism".  Stay focused on creating or promoting human needs--the family. Remove the wants.


Pickle said...

You know, by the time I was half done reading this I was crying. I was raised to be one of these women who only need themselves and can do it on there own. Then I got lucky to meet a friend that started showing what I was doing wrong. Then I met a man that made me just finish the change and I want nothing more than to just be my part and do for him everything he does for me. I cannot imagine what I would be like if I kept on the old road. Thank-you for all you write. It feels good to see it and it feels good to share it.

Laura Grace Robins said...

I'm so sorry....I can assure you though that you aren't the only one who has cried over these issues. I too shudder to think what I could have become, had I not woke up.
Please keep sharing. :-)

Anonymous said...

I was raised very weird, myself, my parents wanted me to live the old fashioned life because it was more honest and Biblical way to live but they also tried to prepare me for the feminist way of life too, just in case so I could have a fighting chance of survival. Very odd way to grow up as both lifestyles are at odds with each other. I always felt like I was a big chess board and each lifestyle was playing this deadly game over my life. I choose my lifestyle finally but it wasn't at all easy to have. You can choose to be old-fashioned, Biblical, and want to be just a wife and a mother but I swear it took so long in coming about that i thought i was going to be a lonely old-fashioned Spinster instead! I'm laughing now, but i swear even when you are trying for the right lifestyle the world and nearly everyone in it is trying to force you into the femi-nazi way of life.

Anonymous said...

Two things came to my mind reading your posting. To me they were relevant, hope they are not too far off topic.

In 1994 and 1995, we had a Mexican girl living with us going to community college. She is like my own daughter today.

We had many exchange students in our small rural city. They all had access to the kitchen of host families, but had to cook for themselves.

My 'daughter' was the envy of all those students when she told them my wife actually took food from the stove and put it in a plate and put it at her place on the table. It sounds like such a small thing, but to her it meant so much, she felt like part of our family. And, the other exchange students really envied her. To fully understand this, you need to know she got an associate degree as: a chef.

It seems like such an unimportant thing, but to those exchange students far from home for two years, they missed very much that small act of love.

The second thing was a Field Service Engineer who went to Greece on a problem. He was invited to a private home, and they had an excellent meal. When they finished, he jumped up and started to bus dirty dishes. The woman of the house almost had a heart attack. She showed every sign of hysteria, until he left the dishes alone. He finally understood that doing those house chores were her only function outside the usual bedroom wife activities.

Anonymous age 68

Alte said...

Thank you Laura Grace for another amazing find. Disturbing in its' prescience, though. How could they have seen that coming, so long ago?

I'm also very grateful for my awakening.

Alte said...

I'm laughing now, but i swear even when you are trying for the right lifestyle the world and nearly everyone in it is trying to force you into the femi-nazi way of life.

Absolutely! Becoming a traditional wife is truly a radical thing now. Even counter-cultural.

Grateful said...

I am grateful to you for this article.

I have understood many of these things for years, and have written a lot about men's rights and women's strangeness today..

Recently I have found myself to be in a great deal of emotional pain for such silly reasons that it made me feel guilty in top of the pain. The cause of the pain is so trivial that I am too embarrassed to reveal it here, but it's also trivial to what I want to say.

This pain grew into such unbearable depths and power that I started drinking and smoking again after over half a year of living a 'clean' life in this regard. There was lots of misery, I have cried lately more than probably ever in my life before (I am the type who doesn't cry much usually)..

When I tried to find something else to focus than the triviality that caused the pain (it was kind of an emotional addiction that I was trying to get rid of and I had widthdrawal symptoms, as strange as it sounds), I was listening to classical music and accidentally found this article.

While I was reading this article, something happened inside of me as I started accepting the feeling and thought I had previously always denied; maybe I would LIKE to be a father (in other circumstances), I started envisioning what it could be like in -good- circumstances..

What would 'normal' life be like, where everything would be as things should be - you know, the natural order of things, where every person would have in their place in the community, where I would have a loving wife..

(there is probably a word limit so I will cut this in half here)

Grateful said...

So I gave my feelings, my imagination and my spirit freedom to imagine what kind of family life I would be living - what would we, as a good, loving family, a great, supportive wife, a loyal and hardworking husband and a joyful little daughter - be doing right now in some faraway world where everything would be natural.

It all started from the simple thought of the three of us, all appreciating and deeply loving and supporting each other, sitting down for a dinner which my wife would have cooked after I had brought the ingredients into the house and chopped the firewood.. living in a comfortable, small house, right next to a rich, unspoiled nature.

It somehow grew into this whole vision with a great community, with neighbourgs that you can trust and who help us as much as we help them.. a community where -everyone- has their place, and where everyone works for the common good for the whole community.

I can't explain the details of this vision, as it would fill pages and pages, but the balance and harmony in my emotions and feelings felt so strong and - it felt like all the pieces in me, my life and my emotions had clicked together finally! This is what life is supposed to be like! Calm, peaceful, harmonious with the nature and spiritual aspects, with a loving community where everyone deeply cares for each other and each human has their place.

The elderly are respected and loved just like the children..

The immense pain I had felt previously suddenly had melted away in great deal, and the -reason- for the pain was so clear now! With understanding the pain, I realized I could now handle it.

It didn't feel hopeless anymore.. everything fell into place internally, and I felt such harmony, peace and understanding of it all.. suddenly my whole life makes sense.

I want to thus thank you deeply for making this birthday of mine the best I have had so far! Thank you!

- Grateful

Grateful said...

To continue this a bit more.. this vision of mine - such a simple thing; "What would it be like to be a father".. this was really the core of it all..

It really made me realize how far from 'natural' this world has become! How much we have been deceived into believing things that are not gratifying, to buy into superficial shallowness..

How separated we are from each other now as people - we do not live in loving communities anymore, we can't even imagine what it would be like anymore unless something moves us like your article did..

The insanity of this world really becomes into clarity with such 'different' way of life as a counterforce for the materialistic, shallow life we are forced to live.

No wonder people are unhappy! Our lives are so complex, and yet so empty. Life could be so simple, and at the same time so gratifying.

All we would need to do is follow the laws of the nature. Or the natural laws of the Universe.. not the animal kingdom laws, but the laws that the human soul yearns to follow. Love being of the utmost importance..

Not the romantic kind of 'possessive lust' that people think is love, but love for our fellow man - love for each individual in the community, and working together for everyone's wellbeing..

The separation from each other is the worst curse that could've happened to us, it blinded us from seeing what natural love is.. we naturally love each other, but our culture tells that only 'soulmates' can love each other, and then perhaps parents and children and that's it.

Replacing communities of love with separation and ego we have truly lost everything.

- Grateful

Grateful said...

Sorry to write so much, but I had one more point I wished to share..

I don't think it's possible to live a natural life anymore in this kind of world, where the structures and indoctrination ever since we are babies have changed everything so dramatically from the natural flow of things.

But this kind of non-natural life has it's purpose too.. it cultivates people and really creates huge contrast between the natural and artificial, and when enough time goes by, people will through all this pain realize how far they have come from a satisfactory life, and can then really appreciate the 'normal' life after all this artificial nonsensical life..

So, I want to thank you for provoking that reaction in my soul that made a breakthrough for me in search for answers and which gave me peace of mind.. I don't know how long it will last, but right now I have such harmony and clarity - and am finally able to deal with the pain, because now I truly know the source of it, and -everything- makes sense now, even the things that really baffled me and I couldn't understand at all.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Honto ni domo arigato gozaimasu!







Danke schön!

- Grateful

Laura Grace Robins said...

That was so inspiring....I am grateful for your willingness to share. Your words left me speechless and I have been looking for the words to respond.

I can empathize with your pain and my heart breaks thinking of how many of us just want to live simple, "normal", lives and it just seems impossible. Through my blogging, I have come across many more than I would have thought in this predicament.

I think about how different life could be if I wasn't told to "want" all these things. The wants kept me focused on myself, instead of creating a family. I lost precious years.

As much as I feel extremely blessed on the path to a normal family, it still will never be as the vision you detailed. Even the most traditional family will struggle because we are living in a post-modern world. No matter how hard I fight it, I doubt I can ever be as good of a wife as God planned for. The cost of living and ever rising taxes has made it a necessity for wives to work. It tears my husband and I apart. I have often thought that I don't even want kids if I will have to end up putting them in daycare. It is just so unnatural. The fact that people can do that and public school without shedding a tear, I think speaks to how deeply their wants deluded them. God put us here for the mission of having a family and deep down we are screaming. Irritable. And not just the post-modern family you find today where everyone lives separate lives, but the family you envisioned, where everyone knows their place.

In businesses everyone has a title, a role, a place, and that is how the business is able to run along smoothly. If everyone did their own thing in a business it would quickly fail. But for some reason, we shudder to apply the same principle in the home. Having everyone in their place with title is considered old-fashioned or stifling. It is obvious that feminism is to thank for that. Feminists have no problem accepting a role and title in the workplace, but don't dare call her a Mother and Wife.

I heard a little snippet on Christian radio yesterday about trust. They were talking about how we as a nation have lost trust. We don't trust our spouses, neighbors, government, employers, etc, and then we wonder why it is so hard to trust God. I think the trust a normal family generates strengthens our trust in God and since few are having such families, it no wonder our faith and lives feel empty. The family practices our trust for God.

It didn't feel hopeless anymore.. everything fell into place internally, and I felt such harmony, peace and understanding of it all.. suddenly my whole life makes sense.

Beautiful. May God continue to fill you with peace. Remember that feeling and know that it comes from Him. It is the only feeling you can trust in our modern world.

I have more to say. Would you mind if I turn your comments into a post?

Know that you are not alone in your thoughts. I hope to see you around.

Grateful said...

Thank you for your kind response! I am positively surprised - usuall when I speak, people get angry at me..

So I was trying to prepare myself for some kind of negative response to what I said, and you instead gave me a very uplifting one - I am again grateful! (-8

Would you mind if I turn your comments into a post..

No, I wouldn't mind at all! I just feel a bit ashamed every time I speak from my heart - afterwards it seems somehow embarrassing. Words can never truly encapsulate what I am trying or wishing to share anyways, so they always create room for misinterpretation.

I didn't realize how religious this site was before I read a bit further after writing the previous comments.. myself I don't belong to any earth religion, but I am a divine spirit like everyone is. It feels a bit silly to say this, because we are really not as separate as we seem, so 'everyone' is more like 'just one'..

I realized that my vision couldn't come true without everyone in the community being spiritual and practicing their connection to the Eternal Father every day in some way, be it prayer, meditation, or some other way.

The people would have to realize love is actually radiation from the heart of Deity through all creation, and especially through man toward all other forms, without division of any kind. (I use the word 'man' here in the old meaning of it, where also women are 'man')

We may have different views of what the Eternal Being is, and different methods in approaching Him, but I think the general understanding that has to do with what Jesus said about love and fellow man is something we agree on.

I am glad about your great website, and I agree on what you say about difficulties in having a family in this world and feminism.. it's a tough life, and difficult karma, but someone's gotta live it.. (-8

I wish you joy in your today's journey!


- Grateful

Jennifer said...

Laura, one of your best yet!!