Commenter, A Light Shining in the Darkness, posed the following on a previous post:
"And Laura, you mentioned our society going back to the days of couples marrying at 20. While I agree that waiting to marry and start families is one major way society has shifted lately, I wonder how we propose to go about convincing young people to marry so young? With such a high divorce rate, especially among the young, what's to convince a young woman to make a mature decision to marry at such a young age? (Most teenage girls and 20-somethings I know are MUCH too immature to be wives and mothers.) And what of the rest of us who simply haven't met The One yet? I'm 25 years old, single, and have no prospects in the near future. Not of my own decisions (I would have loved to be married out of high school), but simply because God hasn't placed me with a man yet. Am I contributing to society's "buck wild"nature? I certainly hope not. I consider myself to be modest, hard-working, intelligent, sexually pure, and feminine. (Especially within the realms of current society, though I guess that can't really be saying much.) How can we start turning society around from its sex-crazed ways and begin creating good, modest, pure, holy citizens? I hope to do my part by one day having children of my own and teaching the Biblical values of God femininity and masculinity. But how can we turn around the lives of others?"Good questions; to which I have no easy or cheery answers, but will attempt to do so by breaking her comment into three main questions.
1. How do we restore a virtuous society?
Short Answer--by restoring its women. Which, is why I put so much emphasis on calling women out for their sins and getting them to realize that they have the capacity for great evil, just like men. It may seem common sense, but I do believe a good deal of women live in some sort of bubble where they think they are immune to evil forces. It's not a fight against women that I engage in, but a fight against sin.I focus more on sin in women, because they hold the key in restoring the society. There is talk that men aren't doing their part in restoring society because they are refusing to marry ungodly women. One should not marry just the sake of marrying. You first need good stock; good wife material in the culture and that we do not have. Probably only 10% (and that is being generous) or so of women qualify. Women bear the burden of returning themselves to good stock and exhibiting qualities that men will find as an asset. For the 10% who are assets, they end up getting lost amongst all the liabilities. A man finding such a woman is like searching for a needle in a haystack; where the needle is the asset woman and the hay are the women who are liabilities. It's hard for a man to recognize a needle amongst all the hay. What we need is for all assets to become hay and for the needle to become the liability. The good qualities in the few will not be recognized until the good qualities are in the many. It used to be this way, before feminism spearheaded our cultural decay. In order for men to do their part, women need to first do their part. They can then select a quality women once women en masse make it desirable to do. They will make the waters safe to swim in again.
The women who are assets also bear the burden of getting the other women to shape-up. Why should we care about the other women? Because, for one, they are potential sisters in Christ, and two, what they do directly or indirectly affects us. They are like the one bad kid in class whose actions end up punishing the whole class by having recess canceled. The modern women today ruins it for traditional women, because their actions eventually cause men to be turned off to all women. Due to our sex starting the the whole disconnect between the sexes, I believe we have the power to finish it. It is not required for men to help, we are big girls, right? Further, modern women will no longer listen or do anything for men, but they are more likely to listen to a fellow sister.I found the following from Susan Fenimore Cooper as an example of how bad women can bring down good women:"Let us suppose that to-day the proposed revolution were effected; all women, without restriction, even the most vile, would be summoned to vote in accordance with their favorite theory of inalienable right. That class of women, and other degraded classes of the ignorant and unprincipled, will always be ready to sell their votes many times over--to either party, to both parties, to the highest bidder, in short. They will sell their vote much more readily than the lowest classes of men now do. They will hold it with greater levity. They will trifle with it. They will sell their vote any day for a yard of ribbon or a tinsel brooch--unless they are offered two yards of ribbon or two brooches. They will vote over again every hour of every election day, by cunning disguises and trickery. And thus, so far as women are concerned, the most degraded element in society will, in fact, represent the whole sex."If I didn't know she was talking about the vote, I could easily read this as a modern woman's
datinghook-up life and how her poor choices and actions affect women as a whole, including the virtuous women.
With a few word changes we get:That class of women, and other degraded classes of the ignorant and unprincipled, will always be ready to sell themselves many times over--to either man, to both men, to the highest bidder, in short. They will sell themselves much more readily than the lowest classes of men now do. They will hold it with greater levity. They will trifle with it. They will sell their soul/body any day for a yard of ribbon or a tinsel brooch--unless they are offered two yards of ribbon or two brooches. They will fool men over again every hour of every election day, by cunning disguises and trickery. And thus, so far as women are concerned, the most degraded element in society will, in fact, represent the whole sex.This is what is happening today; the most degraded women are ending up representing the entire sex.
So, if women bear the brunt of restoring society, this all leads to how do we convince a culture of amoral women that society needs saving and that they are part of the problem. Largely these women can't see outside their bubble and their immediate life to recognize there is something larger at stake. In their own personal lives, they may be getting by just fine and naturally are happy with a hedonistic lifestyle. A sign of a mature woman is one who can see the bigger picture and that a loss of a hedonistic life will eventually be not only best for society, but her as well. Rejecting such a lifestyle is like quitting any sort of drug cold turkey. There will be some serious withdrawal pains. A world of careers, materialism, sleeping around, and doing whatever she wants when she wants does not end quietly.
I have no quick answers. I think all we can do for now is to continue to write and speak our views. If out amongst some women we disagree with, politely call them out. If they are bashing men, let them know you do not approve. The negative energy that comes by negatively talking about men is radiated out to men. They pick up on that, whether you are actively participating or just standing by listening. It is like dealing with a bully; not speaking up against the bully makes you no different than the bully and part of the problem.I guarantee you won't be making many friends, but at least you are standing up for something more important. A woman who stands on principles and convictions, despite popular opinion, is rare and refreshing. All I know for sure, is the culture is going to get worse, before it gets better.
2. How do we convince an amoral society to marry young?
See above. First we have to restore women to get back to a moral society. This will take generations. Once morals are firmly back in place, marrying young will come naturally. The reason why so many are ill-equipped to marry young nowadays, is because our society does not prepare them. By age 20, you should have acquired all the skills to run a home, educate children, and love and support a husband. It's not the age that matters, but how that person is brought up in our culture. "Too young" is a common exclamation upon hearing about a 20 year old marrying. Well, who made he/she "too young"? In linear time they are old enough. A society that claims people are old enough to vote, drink, and go off to war, ironically says one is too young to marry. The longer society lures us to push off marriage, the more independent and set in our ways we become, which later makes it difficult to merge two lives together. For more on this topics see the following posts:
The Importance of Marrying Young (Part 1)
The Importance of Marrying Young (Part 2)
I wish I had a better answer, but I firmly believe it all comes back to the quality of women and getting them back on track first. Even if you think you are a quality women, it does not matter, because the modern women are holding you back, they are hindering you in your search for a spouse, and hence is what makes modern women liabilities. These women turn men off to all women, to the point where they no longer care how virtuous you are, you are still a women. Is it logical? Of course not; but what about sin-filled human nature ever is?
3. What about those who are prepared for marriage, but cannot find a spouse?
This is a problem that greatly affects the women who are willing to take on marriage at a young age. For those women, with their hearts set on wifehood, motherhood, and homemaking, they are often trapped. Unlike the career women, they cannot easily go to school and enroll in courses to accomplish their dreams. They can't even go to college to get their MRS degree, because most guys there are too busy going through all the hay and then rolling in it. And who can blame them? Why should they get serious about marriage, when they can get the milk for free? Men have embraced feminism just as much as women have because it lets them have all the benefits of marriage without the commitment (just like it does for women). It all comes down to a loss of interdependence. Nobody needs anybody anymore (at least modern women like to think so).
It might be said that a woman with asset qualities will shine through all the other women, she will stand out as being unique and different and will be able to attract a man who are seeking those qualities. So why aren't men noticing her amongst all they hay? I think because there is no real incentive for men to notice her or because after awhile they all start to look the same. The hay dust clouds their vision.
So, what's a girl to do? All I can suggest is what worked for me. Look for a man older than yourself (seven years plus). The older the more likely he will have grown tired of all the hay gals and be able to see asset qualities more easily; but on the other hand, he also may be more likely to have given up on marriage all together, because of those hay gals. It can still be a pickle, but I think it at least gives you a better shot. I also suggest looking online (as unorthodox as it may be). List flat out and very bluntly what you can offer a man; what your asset qualities are. State your views and opinions on everything, no matter how non-PC or 'offensive' they may be. No listing favorite foods, movies, etc. All that is meaningless. By being up front, at least you know any man who responds will be in step with your views.
Of course all of the above is based on the premise that you believe society is worth saving in the first place. In my more pessimistic moods, I tend to think not. Negative? Perhaps. Ye of little faith? Perhaps. Humans cannot reverse a society on their own. They need it to be God's Will. All our efforts to bring back society will be futile, if it is also not God's Will. All we can do, whether it is saving society or trying to find a spouse is to continually say, " Thy Will be done".
Caveat: I don't think this was my strongest piece. It involves complicated issues with some kinks to work out, but I wanted to give it an honest shot.