Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Craving Cavemen


 Lesson 35


Not much I can add to this 1937 article:
Do modern women, for all their boast of freedom, still crave cave-man husband? A speaker at the American Sociological Association Convention declares that they do. As he puts it: “Super-ordination of the husband and subordination of the wife appear still to be the accepted status of most marriages and what the majority of wives still want and expect”.

Of course all the married women in the length and breadth of the land will rise up and with one voice deny this allegation. They will say: “Haven’t we got the very word ‘obey’ expunged from the marriage ceremony? Don’t a lot of us even keep our own names after we get married and go on calling ourselves Miss Jones or Miss Perkins even after we have a houseful of children? And we would like to see any mere husband telling us where we get on and where we get off: the nerve of them!”

All of which is, of course, more or less true. No one can deny that in this land of free and emancipated ladies that the head of the household often wears skirts than breeches. It is the wife who decides where the family shall live and what they shall spend; how the children shall be reared; whether they shall attempt to climb the social ladder or sit contentedly at its foot; who even buys her husband’s clothes and dictates his politics and religion.

“All of us know plenty of men who abroad speak with the voice of authority to which millions listen, but who sing small in their own homes with no one to lend them an ear. We have seen heroes with their chests covered with medals for bravery in battle, but who tremble before little two-by-four wives. And we could point you to any number of men who are autocrats in their business or professions, but who wipe their feet on the mat before they enter their own doors and say “yes ma’am” to the women to whom they are married.”

Human nature being what is and all of us, both male and female, having a streak of the tyrant in us, it follows inevitably that a wife will dominate her husband if she can. But, curiously enough, while she can’t resist the temptation to boss him, it doesn’t make her happy to do it. In her secret heart she wishes that he had backbone enough to stand up for his rights.

“For, in reality, women are still primitive creatures emotionally and so far as their relations with men are concerned they haven’t got a yard away from their cave mother’s point of view. They still admire strength, whether it be physical or mental, more than any other quality in the male. They still want some man to tell them what to do and make them do it. They still want to be a little afraid of the august godling to whom they are united. For all their swaggering and bragging about equality no wife really wants to be on her husband’s level. She wants to look up to him.”

If every woman had her heart’s desire she would be wooed by a brute with a club and dragged by the hair of her head to his lair, instead of getting a namby-pamby written proposal from a timid love who didn’t have even enough spunk to come and do it in person. If you don’t believe this just look at the stage and screen lovers over whom the fair sex go crazy. Big burly fellows who treat ‘em rough and knock ‘em down and marry ‘em in spite of themselves and who waste no time on silly soft talk in getting what they want.

“As I remarked in the beginning, virtually every woman will henpeck her husband if he will stand for it, but even while she is doing it she isn’t enjoying it because it tinges her love for him with a certain contempt. It makes her feel that she is stronger than he is, that she has better judgment, that he recognizes his inferiority to her and the picture of the clinging vine husband is not one that ravishes any woman’s fancy.

Invariably you will find that the happy and contented wives are those who are married to men whom they admire and respect and to whom they willingly defer. No slavish obedience is theirs to a tyrant, but a glad submission to husbands whom they believe to be wiser than themselves, with more experience of life and better fitted to deal with the problems of their mutual lives. Whenever you hear a woman begin every sentence with “John says” you have the strongest possible proof that she is happily married.

“And if this be caveman stuff it is the stuff out of which successful marriages are made”.

18 comments:

Kawika said...

So much for those bad old days of Patriarchy, eh? My first inkling of the lie of feminism when I really took the time to think about it, was observing my Maternal Grandparents.

My Grandmother ruled that roost.

Keoni Galt said...

So much for the bad old days of Patriarchy...

Simon Grey said...

The more things change, the more things stay the same...

Anonymous said...

Gosh, I've been happily married to my partner for 21 years and never once wanted him to act like a caveman. Things must have been very different in 1937,

I prefer a spouse who is a partner, an equal and a friend, and that's what's worked for me!

MarkyMark said...

Anon1031,

I call BS on you! You're full of it...

MarkyMark

Anonymous said...

Ha! This article was written by Elizabeth Meriwether Gilmer better known as Dorothy Dix. Did you know that she was a women's rights pioneer and an early advocate of the 19th Amendment?

She is best known for her advice columns.

She thought mothers should stay home and take care of their children rather than work. But she saw the benefit of a vocation for a woman as a way to earn an income should that be needed. In her case it was needed.

She married a charming, but deranged George Gilmer who spent half his life in insane asylums. He could not hold down a job. The responsibility fell on her shoulders then to earn an income for the two of them. She did this through writing. Needless to say, she had an unhappy marriage. But she stayed married to the man anyway.

Mrs.P

Anonymous said...

What do women want? Who gives a crap.
Walter

Eman said...

Nope...going back to those 'caveman days' of women staying at home with the kids and men going out to work and bring home the money for the family sounds reactionary--I repeat 'REACTIONARY'!

Those femmes chose to throw away the role of 'nurturer' by storming into the workforce, and now they're miserable--it serves you right!

Eman

Jennifer said...

LOL Women who have a balance of working and truly enjoy careers are not miserable, Eman.

This article's full of BS. All the submissive wives I know have husbands who would never behave as though they should be dragged, who respect and honor their wives and listen to their counsel. What this article is is a sign of the curse: women are now torn between desiring strength in a man (as they should) and wanting domination. Just another glaring symbol of the loss of balance humanity has suffered.

Jennifer said...
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Terry @ Breathing Grace said...

I don't know what I could add to that, Laura. The article speaks for itself.

Laura Grace Robins said...

1973? Read again.

Jennifer said...

Whoa, lol. Sorry Laura, my mistake, the numbers of the date totally switched around in my mind. That comment will be deleted.

CSPB said...

Most women are totally against dominance. A woman may still respond to dominance. Afterwards most women will still be totally against dominance (not withstanding her next response). Some things never change but a veneer can make it seem different.

(Dominance is totally different than domineering.)

Ping Jockey said...

Cavemen didn't have to worry about being charged with Domestic Violence for simply slamming the door to the cave, or having Cavewomen call 911 and saying that they were 'afraid'.

The Deuce said...

Most women are totally against dominance. A woman may still respond to dominance. Afterwards most women will still be totally against dominance (not withstanding her next response).

Yep, you see this dynamic play out all over the place. Women in our culture are typically offended by the idea of dominance consciously, but are unconsciously attracted to it.

The takeaway lesson for a man is that there is no benefit whatsoever to giving a woman what she claims to want instead of what she really desires, so dominate and stand firm, and get over your fear of offending her! She'll throw a temper tantrum at first, but after the torrent of emotion has subsided, she'll respect you more and she'll be happier in the longrun.

Meanwhile, if you go by what she says she wants, she'll become contemptuous of you, and you'll just invite uglier and more frequent temper tantrums in the future, or, if you're not married, you'll find that you are passed over in favor of dominant guys who turn women on.

Dominance is totally different than domineering.

Yep, this is absolutely true, but feminists refuse to see any difference because they're all about pride, and both dominance and domineering are an insult to that pride.

Though truth be told, domineering is a subset of dominating, so many women are still turned on by it. Thus, when good men fail to dominate, they are actually abdicating the field to bad men who domineer, to the detriment of everybody.

Jennifer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jennifer said...

Healthy women want a man they can't push around, not a man who will push them around.

Dominating and domineering both have no place in certain arenas, like church spiritual leaders (Wayne Grudem actually tries to deny this) and whether a woman enjoys this depends on the woman and what kind of "dominating" takes place; if a man dominates his sphere and refuses to be pushed around, women will tend to feel more secure because it shows he won't be threatened by any emotional waves that might rock their marriage. Sometimes women also need their hubsands to push them away from a bad condition or way of being. A great example of this is in the movie "Candy": Heath Ledger and Abby Cornish play drug addicts, Dan and Candy, whose addiction ultimately leads to Candy prostituting. At one point, Candy gets so upset that she confronts Dan and tells him "I screw men I hate. What are you going to do about it?" She meant that last line and repeated it when she said she hated whoring but might want to keep using drugs; she WANTED him to do something about it, was daring him to. But since she'd volunteered to prostitute and was just as addicted as he was, he was only confused by her temper and didn't get what she needed him to do.