Saturday, November 5, 2011

Christian Manning Up

This article takes the cake for being the best example of a "man up" shaming lecture. What makes it so is not the usual talking points, but that it is Christian--proof that the feminism in Christianity cuts deep and if Christians can't even figure out what is so very wrong about the tone and motivations of the article, there is no hope for their secular counterparts. The problem universally in our culture is with men and Christians and non-Christians continue to make this very clear.

Christian women are pleading: “Please speak to the men in our generation and tell them to be men.” Sound familiar? I suppose the difference with the Christian women in general (not all) is they have to get a male author or anyone other than their 'oh so meek, feminine self' to do the legwork for them.  Christian women have no issue with taking action in their lives (such as college and careers), but when it comes to what they want in relationships they retreat to demure, helpless wall flowers who need a man who is man enough to tell other men to "man up".  They can't take their dating life by the horns with the same fervor they took their college education.

Christian men are no doubt asking for women to be women as well. To demonstrate their desire to be women, not by rushing off to careers and taking on manly endeavors, but by being wives, mothers, and helpmates first and foremost.Women who take on manly endeavors and characteristics should not be surprised if men are taking on typically female characteristics, like being less "ambitious". 
"Go to almost any church and you’ll meet mature, intelligent, attractive Christian women who want to get married and virtually no men to pursue them."
Really? I know commenters experiences and my own experiences will beg to differ. It took me awhile to find a church where the young women were not in mini-skirts, with bra straps showing, and texting away on their cell phones. It took me awhile to find a women's bible study where gossiping and men bashing did not occur regularly. The women in theses churches and groups were not even close to thinking about marrying, but about college, grad schools, and "fun" dating until they were established. They certainly met worldly standards of maturity and intelligence, but were lacking in more Christian attributes of humility and wisdom.  

Men do not think they need to pursue because Christian women have proven they do not have an issue biblically or otherwise to pursue something if they really, really want it. So, why is it different with men? They pursue with a passion careers, jobs, college, and even pastoral leadership, but when it comes to their dating life, they still have the old-fashioned notion that men are to do the pursuing. It just doesn't add up and women can't have it both ways. Either you are a pursuer and take on college, career, men, and all your dreams or you meekly and quietly submit to the plans of the Lord and learn to be content in whether you go to college or not or whether a man pursues you or not. There is an attitude of submission that still survives the modern church, but only when it comes to being pursued in dating. Before dating and I suspect after dating, in marriage, a modern Christian woman's attitude reverts back to pursuer/conqueror/leader.  It is just this narrow gap in a modern young woman's life where she gets nostalgic for the old-fashioned values of being pursued. In short, men receive a mixed message from a woman who is ambitious in all other matters except her dating life.
"These women are often in graduate programs and may have started a career already. But they aren’t feminists. They are eager to embrace the roles of wife and mother. Most of the women I’ve met don’t object to the being a helpmate. There just doesn’t seem to be a lot of mates to go around."
Indeed, they have no problem getting serious about college and careers, but when it comes to getting married, they expect to just roll over and let the men come do all the work and shame them when they don't. It may be one thing if we lived back in a pre-feminist era when women did not pursue college and careers, when men truly were expected to do the pursuing and courting, but modern Christian women can't have it both ways. You can't insist on being an independent career woman and take on the values of the modern world yet also shiver into an 1800 timid, Christian girl when it comes to dating.  He insists these women are not feminists, but as my readers know there are also sheep that insist they are not wolves. A career woman with a cross around her neck does not negate her feminist choices. If women were truly eager to embrace wife and mother roles, they would have been serious about it at a young age, more serious than they were about their graduate program. Wife and motherhood should not be an afterthought if it is a priority. There are certainly mates to go around, just not good enough or man enough mates, in other words, mates they don't want to help.
"First, the Christian men that are “good guys” could use a little–what’s the word I’m looking for–ambition. Every pastor has railed on video games at some point. But the problem is not really video games, it’s what gaming can (but doesn’t always) represent. It’s the picture of a 20something or 30something guy who doesn’t seem to want anything out of life. He may or may not have a job. He may or may not live with his parents. Those things are sometimes out of our control. There’s a difference between a down-on-his-luck fella charging hard to make something out of himself and a guy who seems content to watch movies, make enough to eat frozen pizzas in a one room apartment, play Madden, watch football 12 hours on Saturday, show up at church for an hour on Sunday and then go home to watch more football."
There really is no sympathy here for the man who really is down on his luck, for the man who is struggling for identity in a struggling economy, which I believe makes up the majority of these alleged unambitious men. I wonder what would be the advice to a Christian woman who is dating or wants to date a young man who is going through a tough time. Is it "avoid them like the plaque" until you find Mr. Perfect (who can then later loose it all or his job in an instant) or can a lesson be learned that if you want to be a "helpmate" in marriage it may involve helping your mate in a "down-on-his-luck" situation.

"I don’t think young women are expecting Mr. Right to be a corporate executive with two houses, three cars, and a personality like Dale Carnegie. They just want a guy with some substance. A guy with plans. A guy with some intellectual depth. A guy who can winsomely take initiative and lead a conversation. A guy with consistency. A guy who no longer works at his play and plays with his faith. A guy with a little desire to succeed in life. A guy they can imagine providing for a family, praying with the kids at bedtime, mowing the lawn on Saturday, and being eager to take everyone to church on Sunday. Where are the dudes that will grow into men?"
I like how he suggests women don't have such high standards as to expect an executive and three cars, but then goes on with a laundry list of items that women are to expect. His list may seem like more virtuous or Christian qualities than desiring an alpha with three cars, but the desires for perfection are the same. "Some substance" turns out to be a lot of substance and I have to wonder what happens to a man if he fails in any of these ways. If he fails to "lead a conversation", to have the right level of "intellectual depth", to "pray with the kids" and especially if he "fails to provide", what will happen to those men, who cannot meet or sometimes come in short with Christian women expectations? Are young women equipped to deal with a less than perfect man or will they shame him or divorce him when he isn't? Note it may not even be enough to take the family to church on Sunday, but he must also be "eager" in doing so.
"Men, you don’t have to be rich and you don’t have to climb corporate ladders. You don’t have to fix cars and grow a beard. But it’s time to take a little initiative–in the church, with your career, and with women. Stop circling around and start going somewhere. It’s probably a good idea to be more like your grandpa and less like Captain Jack Sparrow. Even less like Peter Pan. Show some godly ambition. Take some risks. Stop looking for play dates and–unless God is calling you to greater service through singleness–start looking for a wife."
Yes, men, take initiative in a feminized church, in a feminized work place, and with less than feminized women!* "Circling around" sounds a lot like the secular article that says men are "thrashing around". Aw, and cue the "Peter Pan" line. "Godly ambition" may come if women start to show "godly submission", but as long as Christian women are out chasing worldly pursuits, pursuing degrees and fancy careers, there leaves little room for men to show ambition as the women are doing it for them.



Anonymous said...

Would you prefer for women to pursue college in a frivolous, wishy-washy way? Would you prefer they do irresponsible, childish work in their jobs and careers?

If men are men, then they are men. They don't need women to act passively before they can "man up." They need to take responsibility for their own failure to do so, and stop whining about women need to be this or that first. Nothing manly about that.

Anonymous said...

How sad that men are sitting on the sidelines, waiting for women to act the right way.

How sad they are putting their masculinity in check till that great day comes that women are passive enough for them.

Please let me know when I am acting weak enough for it to be safe for men to come out of their cave.

These don't sound like the kind of men anyone would want to marry, anyway. Who needs a man who can only be strong when another is weak?

MarkyMark said...

Anons 2121 & 2124,

Your attitudes are EXACTLY why men are avoiding you! Sure, men could 'man up' and try taming the wild horses you two are, figuratively speaking. However, as your attitude(s) show, you are NOT WORTH THE EFFORT...


Anonymous said...

That's Ok. I am fine with these men avoiding me. I'm happily married, but even if I wasn't, I wouldn't want a man who needs me to be weak in order to be strong.

Men like that need to solve their problems before even thinking about getting involved in a relationship anyway.

Mr. Hook said...

Re: Anon 9:24

I'm a 39 year old male, spent the last 9 years building a career at an architecture firm, was laid off earlier this year. I've been looking for work and doing contract jobs to stay afloat for the past 7 months, but my dating life is on hold because what self respecting "Christain" girl is going to date a guy who's unemployed? Is it because I'm not ambitious enough? Or is it because women like you are waiting on the sidelines until I'm "strong" enough to jump through your hoops? No offense, but I'd rather play video games.

MarkyMark said...

Mr. Hook,

When women incessantly shame us for playing games, they seem to overlook something important; they never ask a question BEGGING to be asked: why do men find games MORE interesting than women, hmmmm? Isn't that a telling and damning indictment of women? I think so...


MarkyMark said...


YOU may be happily married, but based on your-gag-'charming personality', is your HUSBAND happily married to you?


ray said...

the lack of self-insight of most u.s. females is astounding -- they force males into second class citizenship, then wonder why they arent being "pursued" lol

the guys are running the OTHER way, you entitled monsters!

this essay is a good example of fulfilling the blog's lead photo

CS said...

Anon. 9:52:

Thank God that hubby of yours found a woman who would favor him with her brilliance and sunshine personality. With your incredibly positive personality you must have had to fight off the suitors until you found the least unworthy man with whom to share your incredible charm and sweetness.

Or maybe not. The word 'shrew' comes to mind.

Koanic said...

Your writing is beautiful and reflects a beauty of spirit.

There are fools who will turn violently against you for saying the truth, but they are swine reacting with hatred to pearls.

During the years I journeyed through the American church with my mind on dating, it was for this spirit that I searched, and found it rarely.

To have the surface is one thing. These are the girls who consciously reject feminist ideology, and replace it with patriarchal ideology.

But for it to penetrate all the way to the core is an extremely rare accomplishment. Indeed, it usually seems to be beyond conscious control. The ones who most genuinely embodied it came from a different culture, the East Asian churches, where femininity proceeded from the core outward, rather than having to be a countercultural exercise of mind and will.

Anonymous said...

Great post Laura. I was reading on a Christian blog about a guy with a pony tail went into a church with his bible being carried upside down and wearing a leather jacket, and that quite a few women were saying "he's the one". ?!?!

As far as young men playing video games, how about young women on cell phones, reading garbage like cosmopolitan, and watching dancing with the stars.

rmaxd said...

lol this is so hilariously on point

Any feminists want to take markymarks question?

"they never ask a question BEGGING to be asked: why do men find games MORE interesting than women, hmmmm"

Lets see, my views are ...

Lets start with my biggest complaint before i start my list ...

My THIRD & QUITE POSSIBLY, BIGGEST COMPLAINT about why men prefer video games,

Modern women dont want to get know who you are as a person, unless you dont sleep with them ...

Why the hell would a sane person, want to start a relationship this vacous ...

Also let me state this quite CLEARLY ...

I've been in london for about 20 years now

& I have NEVER found one exception to the above ... 20 years, not one exception out of literally hundreds of women ...

It could be im ridiculously good at game, or most women are really that vacous & shallow ...

Anyway back to my list ...

modern women dont know how to seduce men

modern women dont know how to talk to men

modern women dont know how to interact with men, unless theyre alpha

modern women dont know how to be interesting to men

modern women dont know how to cook for men

modern women dont know how to respect the values of men

modern women dont know how to start a relationship with men, without sleeping with them first

modern women dont know how to bond with men, without sleeping with them first

modern women dont know how to communicate with men, without sleeping with them first

modern women dont know how to respect men, without sleeping with them first

hmm & my biggest complaint bout women is modern women dont respect you, if you dont sleep with them ...

Also so called traditional women, will not respect you, or lead you on for months, if you dont sleep with them ...

all the while protesting their innocence ...

& my THIRD & QUITE POSSIBLY, BIGGEST COMPLAINT about why men prefer video games,

Modern women dont want to get know who you are as a person, unless you dont sleep with them ...

Find me a woman who genuinely delights in me being a man, & who genuinely delights in my pursuit of life

& i MIGHT get off my game of rift, or eve

Just dont expect me to seduce you or romance you, those days ladies are long gone

Modern day pickup & game theory, along with feminism destroyed the mystique of who you are as a woman

Dont expect us to indulge your fantasies as we did in the past, you forgo those when you treat your biology like whores

& of course we prefer video games, because you disrespect our ability to act as father to OUR children,

thats right they are OUR children, not yours ... our as in both of us, ie a union, the same UNION which created them in the first place

Bah ... back to my indus' in eve & 220 million isk ...

rmaxd said...

Oh yea, i forgot to add

modern women dont know how to respect men, without abusing or treating them like a jerk

cliched, but confirmed so many freaking times, its uncanny how many women are insanely like that ...

Justin said...

"First, the Christian men that are “good guys” could use a little–what’s the word I’m looking for – ambition."

Hmm, which one of the traditional Christian virtues is that? Which Bible teaching instructs men to be ambitious about worldly pursuits?

It is just sad how non-Christian these demands are.

They briefly touched upon a couple of good Christian traits, like praying with the kids or going to church, but those have nothing to do with a fellow's "ambition" or ability to make $$$.

Twenty said...

The "one room apartment" bit hit particularly close to home for me. You see, I just moved into a one room apartment in a slightly shady neighborhood. I moved out of a pretty nice 2br/2ba.

Why? Because it's much cheaper, and let's me save about $9K/yr -- and those are after-tax dollars. After-tax dollars that go directly into savings/investments earmarked for the purchase of property in Latin America.

I just don't see the point of spending lots of money to ... well, to impress women, frankly. I like living in a nice place as much as the next guy, but the prices are ridiculous. (In my part of the country, a nice condo will set you back $1M w/o any trouble at all.) If this were a good country/culture in which to raise a family, it would be one thing, but it isn't.

So, where do guys like me fit into the "man up" worldview? Ambitious, yes. Interested in earning money, yes. But not particularly interested in spending money. Or impressing women.

I'm not sure how many of us there are, and to what extent we're mistaken for the pizza-eating, game-playing "slackers". Sure, lots of guys probably will slack off, given that they don't need much money. (Immediately, anyway. I hope they look to their future.) But there are also those of us who, though we like earning money just fine, see no need to throw it around to attract the attention of women.

Yes, I live in a one-room apartment. Yes, I drive an 8-year old car. And, yes, I save 1.5x what I spend. In cash. Plus the 10% that goes into the 401K. And I have no intention of handing any of it over to the feminist-industrial complex. They'll have to make do with what they get in taxes. For now. Heh.

Anonymous said...

So critical of women who pursue college and career.

When the author herself has completed college and has a career. Has worked for years, actually.

Laura Grace Robins said...

Your story is a familiar one as it reminds me of my husband. It is a good point that I was thinking about bringing up. There is this assumption that if you live at home or live well below your means that you are not ambitious. Nevermind the money that is being put aside for the future, what matters is outward appearances NOW, even to Christians. It probably never occurs to these young Christian women that the unambitious men they reject now, because they live with their parents or what not, may be able to afford them the SAHM life they may want in the future. Whereas on the other hand, they could marry an outwardly successful man now with all the status symbols, one she thinks can afford her a nice life, yet he looses that job and had been living on paycheck to paycheck the whole time, she can forget about it.

Anon 9:27,
Also, how about young women on facebook. If there is any comparison to video games, I would think that fits the bill.
Thanks for the kind words and the nice post on your blog.

Good points. I've looked into this a bit and will probably expand upon in a post. Here are some quotes from John McArthur:

In speaking about Paul, he says:
"He had ambition, first of all, that went high, verse 9. “We have as our ambition whether at home or absent to be pleasing to Him.” Just look at the phrase “to be pleasing to Him.” That separates spiritual ambition from sinful ambition. Paul never sought great things for himself, he always sought great things for God. The Apostle is like a violinist who cares not for the audience applause but for the smile of the master who taught him. He lived to please the Lord. Everything he did he did to the glory of the Lord."

Basically the only ambition Christians should have is in pleasing the Lord, in pleasing HIM. This does not mean pleasing women. Manly or human ambition is not about pleasing women or ourselves.This is what many will find so upsetting. I'm sure some will say that in pursuing worldly ambitions, you end up pleasing women and this in extension will please the Lord, but that is certainly a stretch.

"What motivates you? No earthly reward, no earthly honor, no earthly threat, no earthly possibility, no earthly circumstance, no earthly opportunity motivated Paul. He could take it all."

By the author's standard of ambition, looks like Paul would have been categorized as one unambitious dude. What motivates Christian men should not be pleasing women. The loss of earthly honor that may come from not "manning up" should be of no concern.

rmaxd said...

Anon what critiques are you referring to?

"So critical of women who pursue college and career.

When the author herself has completed college and has a career. Has worked for years, actually.

MarkyMark said...

Christian men will man up when Christian women 'lady up'...

Anonymous said...

Also, how about young women on facebook. If there is any comparison to video games, I would think that fits the bill.

A-men. The wife rolls her eyes at the handful of hours a week I spend playing games. But it pales in comparison to the amount of time she wastes on the facebook.

Anonymous said...

When the milk is free, why buy the cow?

Too many young men today can get the milk free. There are just enough young women out there willing to hand it out free of charge. That is the real reason young men are not inclined to marry today. Why take on the responsibilities of a family if you do not have to.

Young Christian women can guard their virginity all they want and be perfect "ladies" all they want, but if the majority of young men can go down the street and get nookie for free, what good does it do in gaining a husband.

Somehow the flow of all that free milk has to be stopped if the institution of marriage is going to survive.

Also the real reason young men are not as active in the church as we all would like is because they don't buy the story much at least not at that point in their young lives. They have put their spirituality and their salvation on the back burner. There are video games and the like to be played instead. They'll take a look at this spiritual stuff when they are older. Another thing, it is not cool to attend church if you are a twenty-something male and unmarried. That's just a fact.

Anonymous said...

Men do not exist to please women. And quite frankly we are tired of suffering and dying for you. You are not worth it anymore. You have become obese, manipulative, cruel, vapid and morally loose. I want a woman who will treat me like a king. Then I will treat her as my queen and give her the world. The modern woman treats me like a dog..i exist only for her pleasure, and she defines my worth soley by how much i can give her, while she gives me little in return.

How about you give me your seat, and you work yourself into an early grave while I stay home with the kids, spend all your money and then divorce you once your usefullness to me ends?

Come one on Ladies, its time to WOMAN UP

Curiepoint said...

It always cracks me up when women throw the "man up" epithet around. It assumes that women know anything about being a man, or about masculinity. Every time a woman calls upon men to be more manly, their desires become amazingly transparent, and they can be distilled down to one or twa few salient points:

Use your virility to give me children...then go away and wither in frustration until I give you the nod.

Use your physical strength to do whatever we ask as I decorate and appoint "my" home with stuff that you couldn't care less about. Also, use it to the advantage of anyone that I choose, like my parents or my friends, who no longer have the ability to do things for themselves.

Do not contrive to pursue anything that brings you enjoyment because it all amounts to a waste of time. Take your joys as I approve of them and give permission for their indulgence.

You are my husband, and that means I own you. Displease me and I shall call you unmanly and denigrate you at every turn in front of anyone I choose. Don't you dare demand respect, nor even consider yourself human. Your worth is entirely defined at my caprice.

Gosh, we men are so awful to want to eschew such a life. Of course, there will be plenty of women who will insist that "Not All Women Are Like That" or that they themselves are not like that. With very very few exceptions, that statement alone makes you exactly like that. I notice that the man-haters out there never ever speak of what they bring to the table.

So what are you offering besides rendering me to the status of your own personal pack-mule?

At the very least, you should refrain from denigrating men who prefer games. By refusing to answer that simple question, I have to wonder....

...what sort of game are you playing?

jack said...

Commenters #1 and #2:

We are not waiting for women to be weak. We are waiting for them to be agreeable and pleasant.

Feminism has taught women (including you both) that being agreeable and pleasant to a man is some form of "weakness".

Also, it is not "whining" for men to point out that many women have become difficult and rebellious.

No leader can effectively lead a rebellious follower. Seems that modern Christian women too often decide that submitting to their husband means "being agreeable as long as he is leading in exactly the way I want him to".

It is impossible to effectively deal with a woman who thinks that being childish and defiant is "strength". People rebel against God Himself - does that mean God is a bad leader? Yeah, didn't think so.

Anyway, it is a man's job to lead his wife, not to discipline her. Discipline is God's job. Therefore, since so many women have decided that strength=being difficult and defiant and critical, men are choosing to leave these women to the wayside to allow God his time to discipline them.

Your attitudes say it all about your suitability as a wife, even if you have found some poor sap to marry you.

Anonymous said...

Women want men to be meek and sensitive, except for when they want them to be strong and confident. It's confusing for men, they don't know what they are supposed to do. Rather than telling men to revel in their masculinity, society sends men a barrage of messages that their own instincts are shameful.

There is still some pride in being a man, but it has been seriously eroded over the years.

Why would men sacrifice what little pride they are able to hang onto by further supplicating to the supposed desires of "what women want"? Not surprisingly, men are taking the path of least resistance/shame, and removing themselves from situations which make them feel worse (such as committed relationships).

Anonymous said...

... and women, if you want your man to be a provider, then treat him like one and respect him when he tries to provide. Don't tell him that a man being a provider is somehow wrong because it's a traditional gender role, and then in the next breath, ask him to be more ambitious.

Men are bred their whole lives with a provider mentality. They want to be ambitious, they want to succeed, and they want a woman to share in their successes.

Men give to women when they feel respected. If they have no respect, they have nothing to give, which is probably why many women feel like "all the good men are gone". It's a two-way street, ladies, you can't have your cake and eat it too.

Curiepoint said...

My ambition is to build more guitars, amplifiers, and effects processors. I do not contrive to think that I shall get rich doing this, as Luthiers are a dime a dozen here in the northeast. I am inspired to bring the tools of music to those who wish to embrace it.

My muse is not a wife telling me that I need to abandon my "hobby" in favor of more hours at work.

She is not a tragic hipster who thinks that music is whatever the current thumping and growling techno peplum happens to be.

She is not a grindingly awful termagent who thinks that hand-crafting anything is excessive overkill.

Finally, she is not anyone who can ever convince me that I am wasting my time on boyish pursuits.

I may die penniless, but I will die happy in my choices...and we can't have that, can we?

DaveD said...

"Also the real reason young men are not as active in the church as we all would like is because they don't buy the story much at least not at that point in their young lives. They have put their spirituality and their salvation on the back burner. There are video games and the like to be played instead. They'll take a look at this spiritual stuff when they are older. Another thing, it is not cool to attend church if you are a twenty-something male and unmarried. That's just a fact. "

Men, especially young men, don't like to go to church not because we don't "believe the story" but because its not for US anymore. Church is for chicks. Every Mother's Day we hear a sermon on how awesome women are. Every Father's Day we hear a sermon on how we're failing or how we're supposed to be "servant leaders" of our home. There's never any extolling of maleness, even when Jesus did it. How many sermons have you heard on the whip and clearing the temple, or how Jesus challenged every level of leadership in Israel at the time compared to how many you have heard about being submissive or being a "servant leader" to one's wife.

Video games are HUGE not because it lets guys be childlike but because its one of the few socially acceptable ways to be MEN left to us. Take the hill, fight a dragon, win the Superbowl, become an MMA champion...these are all things guys LOVE doing. Doing them in real life leads to cries of "violent", "juvenille", or "dangerous". Guys that go out and compete by playing golf or YMCA league basketball or even regularly go out with the guys to play football at the park are decried as "immature" or as somehow abandoning their family by taking some time to do MEN things.

In the end, why should I "man up" in the way that the article speaks of or the first two commenters mean it? (Do what I want!! Please me!!!) If you want a man, accept what that really means and, this is often ignored, become women.

It really is that simple.


abirmartialarts said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MikeT said...

That's Ok. I am fine with these men avoiding me. I'm happily married, but even if I wasn't, I wouldn't want a man who needs me to be weak in order to be strong.

Most women who think they are strong are rather pathetic little creatures who mistake bitchiness and nastiness for strength.

Anonymous said...

I ask again what's wrong with being Peter Pan? Sleep well; wake up late. Go out with the Lost Boys to fight against pirates and Indians, and then when finally you win as always, and return bruised and scratched, Tinker Belle says, "Come with me to the arbor by the pool and I will make you feel all better."

So, where is the downside?

Anonymous age 69

Anonymous said...

Margaret Mead reported around 1950 in her book, MALE AND FEMALE, that every society has to provide both men and women with some unique task so each can be affirmed in their sex.

In all societies, bearing and raising children provides that function for women.

In the USA and other English speaking countries, it is Federal law that no unique task for men shall exist. Not bread-winning. Not military duty. Absolutely no unique task.

Then, the wonderful dearies who demanded this law wonder, plaintively, why men aren't men any more.

Anonymous age 69

JP said...

A yes, the ever present call to man up. Funny how when women tore up their side of the social contract everyone called it liberation, but now that men are doing the same its a crisis for men.

Men have no reason to get married. Maybe in a few years they will have an incentive to get an education and develop their career when academia and the economy improve, but that sesms like a long way off.

If you are a young man, there is absolutely no reason for you to get married. Most women aren't virgins and just havng one sex partner increases the likelihood of divorce by 50%.

Add to the fact that more than half of all mariages end in divorce, and 75% of all divorces are initiated by the wife, that means if a man gets married there is a 1/3 chance his wife will divorce him. Wow, what great odds. This doesn't take into account being cuckolded, living in a sexless marriage, having your wife get fat or become an intolerable shrew.

What sane man would sign up for this?

If you are young and have never been married, don't change a thing.

Jennifer said...

1st Anon, you are correct; men don't need passive women to be men. But, Laura is correct too: women can never expect men to do all the work. If you got that corporate job, then approach the guy in the bar (or give him a big sign of interest). Be pleasant and feminine, including while on the job; never act like your work is more important than a man's, especially your man's. Be open and soft if you want a man to ask you out.

Anon 69, men will always be unique. Not only do they relate, think, and feel differently than women, but they're physically stronger; there will always be more male miners, builders, truck drivers, soldiers, Navy Seals, generals, fighter pilots, police officers, and firefighters. Unless we somehow dissolve into a culture of Amazons, men will always largely outnumber women in these positions as workers and unique protectors. And no one, not a great nurturing mother or a masculine dike, can EVER replace a father.

Jennifer said...

When I say be "soft" with a man if you want him as a date, I don't mean like a wilting flower (though that may be some men's type); hell, many men appreciate a witty and purring tigress. I mean, be a lady; feminine, friendly, agreeable, polite and attentive. I was never a flirt expert, never gave or received much advice about flirting, but one thing I did when a man I wanted spoke to me was to establish eye contact and let him see that he had my full attention; I listened to everything he said and even stood in a way that aligned my body to signal my attentiveness to him. (Turned out he was engaged, but that's ok, we still ended up being good pals and I found we were better suited to that anyway). Show a guy that you genuinely enjoy being in his company, and he'll enjoy being in yours.

empathologicalism said...


Anonymous said...

This was THE BEST post of the year for me of 2011.

I never understood why I was supposed to pursue a Western 'christian' woman who I not only KNEW would try to be the head of any household we would build but TOLD me she wanted an 'equal partner' (ie the woman is in charge). No thanks. I am convinced that kind of doctrine is straight from the pit of hell.

I know. I know. Women are all 'sweetness and light' and the 10 commandments only apply to men and women will not be judged and.... NOT!

GOD WILL JUDGE EVERYBODY. And that includes feminists ('christian' or otherwise).

If you accept Jesus as a woman then you must accept being A woman, a real one too, not some fake christian feminist who thinks getting a masters is more important than getting married.

I loved this post very much.

I want to wish you a Happy New Years 2012 and much success for the new year. May God bless you and yours.

Anonymous said...

PS please keep posting in the New Year. all the best,

Laura Grace Robins said...

Thanks for the kind words. It is much appreciated. The belief that women are free of sin is thee most damaging belief of our times.

My best to you too.

Act Like Men said...

One problem with getting married to a Christian man is that there are WAY more women then men in the church today. There just isn't enough men to go around. Why is that? Because the church has been feminized such that most men want nothing to do with it. It looks to them like of pathetic self-help group, which is being taught by gay men and attended by single moms with their children in tow. Why would a man want to be connected to THAT.

Anonymous said...

keep it up

Gabriel Susen said...

Ladies and gentlemen. Take this as an exhortation. If a heathen person were to read this article that was supposed to represent our Jesus Christ, our God, that heathen would not want to be a Christian and would consider all of us hypocrites. Take this as an exhortation, all of you. Very shameful to our God.